the Prof & the Pezzi ball

Right - The SSI hath spoken: "Thy basic starting level assessed as elite". So now the fresh young blonde has taken the !@%*&!! machines at their word and presented me with a training schedule which shows NO respect for her elders. Yes, I understand that this is good news. Yes. Absolutely. Right. OK. So today I begin my intimate acquaintance with my new best friend, the Pezzi Ball. After lunch. Not right now. Got some other things to take care of first. Like lunch.

Of course I shouldn't really be surprised at the SSI assessment results. After all, that's sort of the whole point about the fruit thing. And it's exactly what Prof BJ Meyer proved (please note: PROVED - although being a scientist he indicated & suggested & strongly pointed to the possibility) that fruitarianism is a significant health investment - for us ordinary mortals as well as for athletes. And here's the really convincing part about Prof Meyer's tests - he was Professor at PRETORIA University. There's something terribly establishment about that. No - I'm not from Pretoria and quite frankly I don't like the place much. But somehow the Pretoria prof's scientific pronouncement carries more weight (for me at least) than a revelation from the Supreme Wisdom-Vessel of the Academy of Pleiadian Light. Let's just say: Pretoria University is not flaky fringe, The Professor is a scientist, and by investigating the impact of the fruitarian diet on health and athletic performance he's done us all a tremendous favour.

A note of caution, though, from the Prof. He says: Don't guess - make sure.

How ? We'll have to get to that later. Right now I must go rest up for my exercise session. After lunch.

Kyloe

Kyloe ? A kind of cow (bulls too I suppose) you'll find in the Scottish highlands (and lowlands, I suppose, if they have lowlands there, but I haven't bothered to find out). In some previous century the house began as a Scots Reverend's cow-shed (this is the short version of the story); the main front room still features the ancient feeding-trough - worn-down sections in the massive yellow-wood beam showing where the cows rubbed their heads & necks as they fed. Well, it seemed right to keep the name.

And the "Experiment" ? Well, there are a few parts to it. One of them began a few days ago, in the Sports Science Institute in Cape Town - the temple where the Fit & the Firm go to worship, and elite athletes go to be honed into something even more elite. You know about the two guys who ran the ENTIRE Great Wall of China - all 4,000+ kms of it - in one go ? Well the SSI was where they went to fine-tune their training. That should give you some idea.

And then I turn up. Dear heaven. In my please-hide-as-much-as-possible T-shirt.

A fresh young blonde takes me in hand, and - to her eternal credit - doesn't collapse in uncontrollable mirth when she discovers Why I am there. Of course I wasn't going to tell her anything. But then when I don't detect any obvious sneering & sarcasm, I lose my head, and start confessing. Suddenly she's my Friend who is going to help me to get to my goal. So she measures & prods & fills out questionnaires, & next week I'm going back to get the training schedule she's working out for me. (I'm choosing to believe that she needs a whole week to devise this schedule - NOT because of the outrageousness of the challenge, but because she is a good kid who is sincerely trying to do a thorough job.)

The challenge ? Ever heard of the Augrabies Xtreme ? Well, the fresh young blonde also hadn't heard about it before - perhaps that's why she didn't flinch at the thought of getting me ready to do the thing. But then, I didn't actually tell her the whole truth. I didn't tell her I want to do the thing on fruit. THAT is where the Challenge becomes the Experiment.

I think I'll go lie down now - suddenly feeling a bit faint.